"...the love we think we deserve."

Whoo, so, school is out and 10th grade is just around the corner. A new school and new peers. I really am excited... though it probably doesn't show in my voice. I'm taking quite a few "new" classes that i'm quite excited for. I'm taking Woods 1 and Drama 3 along with some others. It's funny how my goal throughout middle school was always straight A's and now I'll accept a C. Sure, I still STRIVE for an A, but it's not very realistic and I won't work very hard for it. As many events have been happening in my life, there's much to be grateful for and much to mourn on. Aj, My brother, has left for Basic Training in SC. It's hard being without him since our bond was getting stronger. My sister is leaving also. That leaves me. 15 year old, clueless me. I've come a long way in my life, some of it for the better, and some...not so much. I'm struggling.   I look for the day when things will turn up and look better in my life... and sometimes it seems as if it's just me feeling sad and depressed over nothing. I think I turn my depression into anger. I don't ever tell any body how i'm feeling. I don't cry and sometimes I feel as if my lack of emotions is building up inside of me. I'm just a ticking bomb waiting to explode, but I never do... and it's affecting me. If people only knew the struggles that people go through I think we all would look at each other differently. I've recently auditioned for a couple things too. I auditioned for Musical Theater, Acting Up!, and Shrek the musical, didn't make one. I feel like giving up, I want to so bad. I love it so much! but what's the point in even trying?  Nothing really seems to be going "right" in my life. I'm so lost and lonely, but of coarse, me being me, I won't let anyone in, won't tell them how much I want to be comforted. I've given up already, but I guess I just won't admit that. I won't admit defeat, because that's what it is. I will keep trying, keep living, and keep striving.