2013

Wow, so I haven't posted on this in a really long time. Let's start with an updated picture. So obviously I'm now blonde and instead of barely going into 7th grade, I am now going into 10th this year. It's time to grow up  and that sucks, but it's true. Life isn't some great place where you'll have tons of friends and everything will be perfect. If only I had the attitude I had back then. It sucks, guys are going to reject you and that's a fact. Not all guys will and you may have to wait a long time for that, but it'll happen. Right now the state I'm in is denial and depression, I act happy at school, but on the inside I'm hurt and I'm frustrated and I'm stressed. Back in 7th grade I had my "clique" they weren't the nicest and still aren't today, I'm glad I got away from that, but it's hard to branch out and get new friends.I have a job that pays well and I am enjoying it a lot so far. I'm currently in the production The Music Man. There are so many things I could be grateful for, but I can't. When somebody gives you a broken watch how could you be "grateful"? You can't look at it and go "Somebody gave me a watch, at least I have a watch even though it's broken." Things don't work like that. I hate to have my first post be such a downer, but I was innocent and naive, blinded to worldly ways. The corruption and deceit. I used to care so much about staying home going to a local college and just being the drone everybody else wants me to be, but that's not what I want. I want to move away from this place, be on my own, I want to go to Manhattan School of Music. I don't want to have some ordinary job. I want to explore and I want to do it alone. Yes, I'll go on a mission, because that's what I want to do, but after I get home I don't want to get married, I want to have a life! The moment I turn 18 I'm an adult and that's when my real life begins, 21 years and I've done nothing? That's not how I want it to have been,  I want to perform. I want experience. When I'm done with my own adventure, then I can have an "our life" I want to get married. Maybe the problem isn't getting married,  because I can still do all those things with my husband, but maybe it's with starting a family. The moment you have kids, it's no longer your life, it's our life. You are responsible for more then just you. That's why I don't get why teenagers get pregnant, they have their whole life's ahead of them and then it all stops as soon as they have that baby. Maybe next post won't be so down, but I needed to get that off my chest. I hope you all have a wonderful week.